Woman Claims She Was Served Drink with Little Something Extra

Updated: 9:49 p.m. PT May 24, 2005

PHOENIX, AZ – Police responded to a report from local resident Katherine Demetri that she received a drink that contained a detached human penis.

Mrs. Demetri had been partying at Phoenix male review club, The Scrotum Pole, when she contacted authorities and claimed that the Long Island Iced Tea that she had ordered contained a severed penis in it.

Police quickly dismissed the complaint and arrested Mrs. Demetri for possession of crack-cocaine. It seems that she consumed half of her drink and then inserted a plastic, penis-shaped sex toy into the drink, convinced police would think it was a real human penis.

After she was arrested, Mrs. Demetri gave police a statement in which she admitted that she placed the phallic swizzle-stick into the drink hoping that she could cash in with a big lawsuit against the club.

Police sources said that this is not the first time that the woman has tried to manufacture a lawsuit. She has tried to slap several previous employers with sexual harassment cases, as well as filing a racial discrimination suit against a company that declined to hire her. The judge dismissed the case immediately as he observed that Mrs. Katherine Demetri was in fact white. The judge told her that the company clearly did not refuse to employ her due to the color of her skin; it probably had something to do with the fact that she was an incompetent crack-head, and to get the hell out of his courtroom.

This time, Mrs. Demetri never made it far enough to file a case, as police quickly realized that the member was fake. It turns out that Mrs. Demetri’s drug induced stupor had led her to use a neon pink apparatus with a switch to start the vibrating action, so the officers quickly identified the con.

Police searched the lady and found several crack-cocaine rocks. She was booked on possession, and was back on the streets a half-hour later.

Mrs. Demetri has announced that she intends to file a claim for punitive damages related to emotional pain and suffering that she experienced in the incident. She claims that the officers laughed at her and called her a worthless crack-head, and that has ruined her personal sense of self worth. She claims that the incident has left her without the self confidence to perform in the workplace, and thus the police should pay for her disability.