Republicans Outraged by Inter-Species Relationships

Updated: 01:14 pm PT April 23, 2005

WASHINGTON - Reacting to a recent story about a Myanmar woman who has recently been breast feeding several tiger cubs, Republican lawmakers rallied the troops against what they consider to be just the latest threat to the moral fabric of this country.

In what appears to be an amazing story of adaptation, a woman from Myanmar has been successfully nursing tiger cubs that were abandoned by their natural mother. When asked whether it hurt to have baby tigers chewing on her breast tissue, she replied, "Me lika nibble-nibble. Long Time." She then proceeded to wink at the reporter.

Republican lawmakers have seized on the issue of inter-species relationships and are currently working on a House Bill to outlaw the practice. In a press conference, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) stated that he was morally outraged at the rising epidemic of inter-species relationships. After reporters on hand pointed out that the lady from Myanmar was merely trying to save the lives of these tragically abandoned cubs, DeLay responded, "I don't care what her claimed purpose is, the simple truth is that this woman not only exposed her breasts intentionally, she did so with the intention of letting an animal suck on them. Now if that isn't perversion, I don't know what is. She's lucky that she didn't do it on television, or so help me god, the FCC would have been fined the life out of Howard Stern."

Prominent Christian Leader Jerry Falwell issued a statement calling the practice, "A Moral Abomination, sure to lead one's soul straight into the hands of the DEVIL." Falwell continued, "The 2004 election showed that the American people are once again concerned about the continued decline in this country's morality. In the runnup to the 2004 election, the Democrats had already proven that Bush was a a liar who used false information to drive the country toward war, while handing out lucrative government contracts to his friends at Halliburton. His political career should have been over, but then my people came up with the idea of outlawing Gay Marriage, and suddenly Bush regained his popularity. Well, we have an eye towards the 2008 election, and we are sure that American People will recognize that the issue of inter-species relationships is way more important than the environment, corporate malfeasance, a weakening American economy, or rising gas prices, and as such will choose a leader that is willing to take a strong stand against the continued demonization of our society."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7600056/